Chapter Thirteeen

I don't remember much of the time I spent in the Waste. Much of it is distorted by my lack of control over my emotions. My mental state was...less than exemplary.  I am not proud of the things I did when I  lost control of myself. Many people died because of my stupidity. But...What's done is done. I cannot change the fact that I have killed innocents. People who had nothing to do with what occurred that night he died.

How can I forgive myself?

The truth is...I cannot. I can move on...but I cannot forget what happened. I remember seeing it so clearly, but it was if I was not there.  I was watching myself from a distance, and although I could feel the warmth of the blood that spattered on my skin, and feel the cold of the ice that pressed around me, shooting through the air, boiling up inside me...It was surreal.

I look back on it now and feel sick to my stomach. My nightmares have grown worse, and I am again glad that I do not share a home with those who are sensitive to such things...Avin and Rinn have long since moved to their own residence.  I am happy that they have each other. Avin brings balance to Rinn's life. I remember a time when Rinn was unable to speak or express himself at all. He's come such a long way.

Sometimes I wish that we could all remain together...but we all draw apart some time.

Is that human nature? To draw apart? Or is it merely that we are selfish, and wish to keep our most precious things to ourselves and not share them with anyone?

I honestly don't know.

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     -Zenarith's Journals -


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Sigma frowned at the cat-boy sitting on his bed. How did it come to this?  Rinn was staring at him with an expectant smile that Sigma couldn't help but find incredibly irritating. The kid was far too cute for his own good, and far smarter than he appeared to be.  He sighed, running a hand through his hair, trying very hard not to look at Rinn.

The cat boy was giving him the look.  It was that look little children gave adults when they knew they were cute and they wanted something from the adult. The look that said 'you love me, right? So....give me that please~?'.  He sighed.  He didn't really want to listen to what Rinn had to say. It wasn't something he wanted to get involved with any more.  He sighed, glaring at the cat boy. "Well?" He asked expectantly, wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible.

Rinn watched him with wide eyes, their scarlet depths sparkling slightly. "Will help us?  Must find Zenarith. Must explain how still alive. Byakuya still alive?" The boy's ears were perked up straight, his tail stiff behind him. 

Sigma grimaced. The poison. He didn't want to think about what it might have done to him. He had survived, sure, but he didn't really know how. His body worked different from normal humans. He hadn't been born, he'd been created...though that was something he also didn't like to think about.  He sighed. "I don't know how I survived, kid. Your friend is probably dead. Either way, it doesn't concern me."

Rinn's face darkened, and his eyes looked even more sparkly. Great...he'd made the kid cry. Wasn't that just lovely. Sigma sighed, feeling more stressed and irritated. He still didn't feel particularly wonderful, nor did he enjoy spending this much time without having any food. His stomach complained at him, and almost on cue, Rinn's stomach grumbled as well.

Rinn touched his stomach, cheeks turning a faint pink. Sigma shook his head. "Listen kid, I'm not going back to that place, I'm not going to get involved in this investigation anymore. I already risked my life for it, I don't want to do it again."

Rinn watched him with an unreadable expression. Sigma got the distinct feeling that the boy was studying his emotions, and he steeled his resolve, preparing to block the boy from his mind. Apparently, though, trying to do that was pointless. He could feel the waves of emotion rolling off of Rinn's slightly trembling body, and he sighed, steeling his resolve yet again. He couldn't let himself be affected by the pleading  eyes that glittered at him.

"Will...Won't even try?" Rinn said softly, looking down at the ground, sinking into a crouch, wrapping his arms around his knees. Sigma felt his stomach churn as big tears leaked from the cat-boy's glistening eyes.  The kid looked pale....too pale. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. He really didn't want to deal with this. 

"I've already become too involved with this as it is, kid," Sigma said softly, his resolve breaking down slowly.  Rinn just curled up tightly, shaking his head. Sigma half wondered when the kid last slept or ate for that matter. By the shaking of the boy's shoulders and the waves of despair being thrown at him, he knew the kid was probably crying.  His stomach churned uncomfortably in his stomach. He sighed, closing his eyes, pressing his fingers to his temples to stem off the impending headache. 

Sigma sat down heavily on his bed, falling back on his pillows, staring up at his ceiling. "...alright, fine," he said, inwardly groaning. "I'll come tell them what happened, but beyond that, I don't make any promises, all right?"

A choked sniffle came from the curled up cat-boy, and Sigma knew he'd lost the argument when the waves of despair faded in an instant. He rolled over,groaning as he faced the wall. He wanted to sleep...just sleep. Food was nice too, but he didn't have the energy.

Sigma didn't know when it was that he'd fallen asleep, but the scent of cooking food made his nose twitch, and he sat up carefully. Who was in his secret hideout? He remembered in a flash the discussion with the cat-boy and groaned at how easily he'd given in to the boy's manipulative ways.

Sigma was insistently denying that he'd purposely given into Rinn's charms. He wasn't about to admit that he'd wanted to go back, if only to see Thalia again. He shook his head, and then studied the form of the cat boy on the opposite side of the room, utilizing his small kitchen unit. Rinn had apparently found some dried foods and was making some sort of hearty stew. It smelled good and his stomach gurgled at him in agreement.

The boy's tail was swishing back and forth, and the boy was....purring?  An odd rumbling noise was emanating from the young man's smaller frame, his cat-ears twitching occasionally. Sigma frowned slightly. What on earth was that...noise?  He noticed a feeling of contentment washing over him, and he sighed. The kid was obviously happy.  Sigma sighed, still a little irritated that the boy had so easily manipulated him. He hated being made to do things that he didn't want to do...especially when he knew he was going to end up doing it eventually anyway. He sighed...he didn't want his head to hurt again. His stomach complained loudly at him.

Rinn turned and smiled widely at him. "Almost finished, " the young  man assured him, setting out a couple of bowls on the counter-top, his fluffy blue tail waving behind him cheerily.

Sigma glared at the boy. "And who said you could go around getting into my food and into my things to put this together, mm?"

Rinn just smiled at him. "Hungry," the boy said, pointing at him with a sleek ladle. "Stomach was growling. Decided to feed it."

Sigma sighed. It was a little hard to tell whether the kid was talking about himself, or if he was talking about Sigma's stomach growling.  He sighed and shrugged. "You're still not off the hook, kid...You compromised my hideout by following me here. I'll have to move now."

Rinn blinked at him, a confused expression crossing his face. "Move?  No one saw.  No one in area. Would have sensed," he said, tapping his head.   Sigma raised an eyebrow at that. He hadn't expected that...Of course, being a psychic sensitive would make it so that the cat-boy would be able to tell if anyone had been nearby...that was probably how the kid had found him in the first place.   Rinn served the hearty stew and offered a bowl and spoon to Sigma.  "Sad man...why run?"

Sigma blinked, his spoon stopping just before reaching his lips. "Run from what?" He asked, the spoonful of soup entering his mouth. It was good...his stomach's grumbling lessened almost in approval.

Rinn's face grew serious. "When Byakuya fall.  Why run?  Sad man did not hurt him. Running makes look guilty...but sad  man not. Why run?"

Sigma set down the spoon, his face darkening in thought. Why had he run, apart from the obvious? He hadn't wanted to get caught...but caught doing what? Being unconscious and comatose in the same location as the fiery redhead?  No...that wasn't quite it. There had always been the possibility that they would have thought him to be the deliverer of the poison, but that would have been disproven in a short amount of time. So why, then, had he run?  Perhaps...it was because he did not want them to know he wasn't....human.

Human.  The word had a multitude of definitions these days. Those with augmented abilities were considered just as human as those without. Even Bio-gens, to a point, were considered 'humanoid' at least.  Sigma was none of these things. Where then, did he fall? Where did Rinn fall within those categories? He sighed. "I ran because I have secrets that I'd much rather keep to myself, thanks," he said, gulping down the rest of the hot stew.

Rinn watched him thoughtfully, his ears twitching on occasion. "Found something? Avin saw disk in Byakuya's terminal. Wanted to tell him something?"

Sigma sighed. Well, he should have known that Rinn would have picked up on that detail as well. "Yeah, I guess so. I delivered the information from what was pulled from those hidden files. It seems like this bio-gen issue goes deeper than it looks." He made a face. Maybe working it out with the kid would make it easier on his nerves to deal with the rest of the redhead's group. "There's a paper trail that makes it look like these recent attacks aren't exactly normal Bio-gen behavior. The data disk I gave to Byakuya shows it pretty well. There are some other minor things, like meteor-fall research and genetic re-ordering...the only really useful bit on there is the money-log." He gave a wry chuckle. "Gotta give that Amlys fellow some credit...he kept meticulous detail on exactly who he paid and was paid by....guess that's what got him in the end." 

Sigma carefully left out the part where he'd edited the data-file before transferring it to a new data disk...the one he'd given Byakuya was not the one he'd gotten from the computer genius, Kiro. He'd taken out the information on the human-biogen soldier program...Chimera. That was something he'd much rather the group left alone. After all, they weren't investigating all of Amlys Kuro's work...just his bio-gen studies. Chimera's information was something that Sigma wanted kept private.

Rinn nodded slowly, eating another spoonful of the stew. "Amlys....Nefe's father, yes?"  He paused, waiting for either a nod or a shake of a head from Sigma, getting a nod.  "Is...dead?"

Sigma set down his empty bowl of stew. "Probably. From what I've read before,  Amlys disappeared into the Waste before they could capture him.  They never found a body. No big surprise there....the`1 Waste is a dangerous place."

Rinn nodded, finishing his bowl. "Many Bio-gens there. Was made to fight them.  But am failed experiment. So never fought...but... can still smell them. Instinct. Sometimes really wish to fight..."  The slender boy shivered, and then turned his vibrant crimson eyes to Sigma. "Sometimes...sad man's scent....remind why was created."

Sigma stared at the boy for a long moment, his hair's color shifting dark, along with his eyes. He  shrugged, picking up the bowls and washing them quickly and thoroughly in the sink.  "Doesn't matter why you were created. You've got a good life now, right?"

Rinn nodded slowly, dropping his eyes. "Yes.  Apologies....am worried...for Zenarith. Waste is dangerous....city is angry.  Caused much damage when leaving..."

Sigma shrugged again. "Then, I'll just go beat some sense into him and drag his skinny ass back here. Then you don't have to worry about him anymore."

Rinn grinned at him and just purred.